The Navy is all about helping us adjust to life out here. Yesterday I finished up the Intercultural Relations course that's required of all new military members reporting to Naples. It's pretty good--two days of class, followed by a day-long "field trip" into the city. The class teaches you how to read Italian and some basic survival phrases, and also goes into the big differences that you'll see in the culture here. Of course, most people take this their second week in Italy, not their sixth (like me), so I'd already had the chance to experience a lot of these. But they still did a good job of it, and then explained how to buy food, how to use public transportation, some basic hand gestures, the different sorts of restaraunts, and all sorts of really random but really useful things to know when you're arriving in a foreign country. Then yesterday they took us downtown to show us how to get around on public transportation (which I had already figured out how to do by myself, but apparently confused the hell out of some people; it's amazing how some folks can be so completely helpless and lost on public transportation without somebody to to tell them exactly where to go, even when there are signs right there). And we walked around the city. A lot. And it was hot. A lot. And we had lunch, and it was good. Stopped by the opera house and picked up the next season's schedule--they have some good stuff coming up if anyone wants to come out and visit. The season runs something like November-April or May, I think.

We all just about died of heat exhaustion wandering around the city. And it's supposed to be unbearably hot and miserable this weekend, too. Which makes me realize it's probably not the best weekend to be visiting Rome, especially since the first thing on my agenda when the train gets in tomorrow morning is an 8-mile hike along the Appian Way. On the other hand, I'm very eager to try out my new Italian phrases: "I have a ticket for Rome," "Where is the train for Rome?" and once I get to the hotel, "I have a reservation for Hodge. H-O-D-G-E."

Since the entire nation of Italy goes on vacation in August, it looks like I'll be waiting until September to start any formal instruction in Italian, beyond the CDs and phrasebooks I brought with me. The U of Maryland has evening classes two nights a week on the base; I'm thinking that's the way to go. Much cheaper than a tutor, although perhaps not as effective.

I'm so sick of living in a hotel. Been here for 47 days now, and I really, really want to move into my own place with my own furniture and stuff. Not that it's a bad room or anything, and it's got a balcony overlooking the little "town square" on base. Unfortunately, said "town square" becomes the hangout for all the kids on base between the hours of 6pm-9pm or so, and really, I just want some peace and quiet then. Realizing this makes me very glad I opted for the apartment in the suburbs rather than in the middle of the beach town. Fortunately I should be able to move in next week. I sign the contract on Wednesday, so hopefully I can move in then.

Any recommendations for where to go/what to do/where to eat/etc. when I'm in Rome this weekend?

So apparently that last post triggered the dirty word filter on the computers at the base library here, and it wouldn't let me view it today. So that's why I went back and changed it to "por...graphy" Maybe that will get around it. Or maybe I have to go back and delete all references to "red state...."

I was going to include this in my last post, but it seemed worthy of its own space. An excerpt from the afterward to RFK, Jr's book, "Crimes Against Nature" (emphasis is my own):

"Blue state residents care as deeply about family values as those in red states. In fact, the divorce rates and unmarried pregnancy rates tend to be far lower in blue states than red ones. Massachusetts has the most durable marriages in America. Divorce and teen birth rates in Texas are nearly double those of the Bay State's.

"Every single one of the nine states with the highest divorce rates went for Bush. The nine states with the lowest divorce rates went for Kerry. Marriage itself is less popular in Texas than in Massachusetts. In Texas, the percentage of unmarried people is 32.4 percent. In Massachussetts, it's 26.8 percent. Red state residents are more likely to watch salacious shows like Desperate Housewives, buy por...graphy, commit murder and other violent crimes, and impregnate your teenage daughter than blue state citizens...."

Hmm...maybe the evil liberals are onto something here, with their "birth control" and their "well-funded public education" and their "gun control laws."

He then goes on to point out how sadly misinformed Bush supporters are about world events (although the Kerry numbers scare me, too):

• 75% (vice 30% of Kerry supporters) believed there was clear evidence linking Iraq to 9/11
• 72% (26% of Kerry) believed Iraq had WMD
• 75% (30% of Kerry) believed Iraq was providing substantial support to Al Q
• 82% thought the world thought better of us due to the Iraq invasion (86% of Kerry supporters disagreed)

...and so on.

He's making the point as to why the average US citizen has no idea what's going on with the environment (because the media sucks), but it's soooo applicable to soooo many other things.

I'm going to get physically ill if I watch any more Fox News. Fortunately, AFN is also airing Tomb Raider at the moment. Which isn't such a bad movie if you turn the sound off and just watch Angelina Jolie run around.

So when do you think the Brits (and the media and the American public) are going to come to the realization that the US could have helped prevent the London bombings? You know, by not spending trillions of dollars on the war in Iraq, and instead concentrating on hunting down actual terrorists rather than go off and try to score some oil, in the meantime allowing Al Qaeda and friends to regroup and start bombing stuff again. I'm sure by fighting harder in Iraq, that will stop any more bombings after July 7 in London, though. Oh, crap...Egypt.

How are we this dumb?

As I have mentioned to some of you already, today I figured out why southern Italian men wear that extra button open on top of their shirt--it's not to look cool or macho or anything--it's because it's f-ing HOT here, and that's the only way to get any air circulation going to keep you cool. In a related story, the sunburn on my chest extends further down now.

Went into downtown Napoli today to do some more exploring. My tourist Italian managed to get me pizza, beer, and water for lunch, find the bathroom, and keep me from dying of dehydration later on. Of course, I'm one of the few idiots hiking around the entire city in 93-degree weather. Got off in the heart of Naples, where of course since it was Sunday, just about everything was closed. Grabbed lunch (how come everytime I have pizza here, it's always once again the best pizza I've ever had? Gotta love living in the city that invented pizza), hiked down to and along the waterfront where there were hundreds of Neapolitans sunning themselves on the rocks, and quite a few swimming around in the harbor (eew...not sure I'd go in that water, myself). Then I figured I'd try to find the funicular train that goes up Vomero hill, the big hill in the middle of Naples, so I turned away from the waterfront and promptly got lost. Ended up hiking up said hill, winding through all these residential back alleyways and garnering suspicious looks from the little old Italian ladies hanging out their laundry. Eventually found the funicular, rode it to the top of the hill, walked around a little more, and decided to take the funicular back down to the bottom where there was a subway station conveniently situated, with a train to take me back to my car waiting at the NATO base. It's not a bad trip, actually--my apartment (once I move in) is about 10-15 minutes from the NATO base, then a 5 minute walk to the subway, then a 10-20 minute ride into downtown, depending which stop I want. They are serious about their Sundays here, though--the city was dead. When it's time to try driving around Naples, Sunday is the day to do it. I think part of it is that it's Sunday, and part of it is that everyone in the country was at the beach today.

And yes, the Naples funicular is the contraption for which "funiculi, funicula" was written.

Aren't you glad you learned something today?

Poker night last night went much later than planned--3 a.m.--so that of course meant another Saturday morning wasted doing no sightseeing. So this afternoon I decided to drive around again and try to find my apartment, and this time I was actually successful. So now I know how to get to my house. And now I know how to give directions to my house, which it turns out is actually quite easy. On the down side, I don't get to move into my place until the first week in August.

Speaking of driving, turns out the car handles a lot better when the tires have, say, 35 psi of air in them instead of the 15-20 psi that I had been driving around on without realizing it. Until my front right tire basically looked like it was flat for no particular reason.

Finally sold my condo yesterday thanks to the noble efforts of my parents and my realtor. And I made SO MUCH MONEY it's ridiculous. I would never pay that much for a one-bedroom, 830 sq. ft. condo. Of course, it's all going down the drain in two years when I become a poor starving law student and need the cash to support myself.

Anyone wanna buy a Benz? Still on the market.

It turns out if you put an herbal tea bag into a coffee cup, and then forget to put the water in it, and then microwave said tea bag and cup for two-and-a-half minutes, the tea bag will in fact combust, then emit copious amounts of stinky black smoke while continuing to smolder. In case you were wondering.

Chris Hodge: doing dumb things so you don't have to.

AFN TV is really sort of entertaining, in a sick way. They don't run corporate ads during the normal commercial breaks; instead, it's basically just one public service announcement after another, warning me not to drink and drive, to seek help for my friends who are depressed, and to spend more time at the base gym. Interspersed with these are a bunch of military news segments (read: propaganda) which I guess are supposed to inspire me to carry on with the war on terrorism. Things like the "Why We're Here" segment on what a great job we're doing in Iraq, and how teaching Iraqi soldiers to march and cook is bringing the insurgency to a standstill. (Which is always funny to watch after CNN does a story on the most destructive suicide bombings to date in Iraq.) And last night the Pentagon News Channel did a half-hour story on Guantanimo Bay, and how humanely everyone there is treated, and what a great system they have set up. Which may or may not be true, but please don't whitewash it like nothing bad happens there at all and then feed it to me like I'm a five-year old. Oh, and some Air Force JAG lawyer comes on every now and then and reminds me that it's against the law for me as a military officer to make insulting or defaming statements against our political leadership. (Which could lead someone--certainly not me, though--to say, "If only we had some political leadership." But I won't say that, because that could be construed as insulting.)

Speaking of political leadership, write to your congressmen and senators and tell them to vote down the energy bill when it comes out of conference. Worst thing we could do to ourselves. I can't believe 35 Democrats actually voted for it. Shows you how broke the system is. Even the Cato Institute doesn't like it, so it really must be bad. And if the House gets its way, they're going to protect manufacturers of MBTE from lawsuits over contaminated drinking water.

On a related topic, new required reading: Crimes Against Nature, by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. A great book that details how the administration has basically sold their souls to the manufacturing and energy industries, made the EPA irrelevant (or complicit, depending on how you look at it), and are basically killing our kids in the name of making a few bucks. If you don't want to read the book, read his summary article in Rolling Stone.

I'm pretty annoyed...decided to stay in tonight instead of going out since the Sox were playing the Yankees and hey, a guy's gotta have his priorities. Plus it was an afternoon game, which meant it was actually on at a watchable hour here. And then the bums don't even have the courtesy to win the game for me. A whole evening wasted, and still no Italian swimsuit model.

Went to the world-famous Pomigliano Jazz Festival last night.

Yeah, I'd never heard of it either.

It was a good time, though; nice open-air park, lots of Italians wandering around, Italian companies giving away free ballcaps with ads for air-conditioning repair companies on them...which I found sort of odd, given that I don't think I've ever seen an Italian wearing a ballcap in the time that I've been here. The jazz, however, left a lot to be desired. There was a big stage set up in the middle of the park, and the group that was "playing" up there sounded like they were just warming up for two hours. It was the worst music I've ever heard. And then around half-past midnight, which is usually when things get started in Italy, they stopped playing and started taking down the stage. It took us about 15 minutes to figure out that the action had moved to the other side of the park, down a hill where there was a little amphitheater set up with a smaller stage, but with a much better band. Well, with a pianist, a guitarist, a bassist, and a singer (or "vocalist" if you want to keep with the "-ist" theme). The pianist was great, but the singer didn't actually sing any words to any of the songs...she just stood up every now and then and did that jazzy "beebopboopbopbeeboopshoobydoowop" kind of thing. Which I don't have a problem with if you're just throwing that in to a song or something somewhere. But it isn't quite as effective when it IS the whole song, and when EVERY song is just like that. Oh well.

Got home late last night, so I got a (very) late start on the day today. Especially since I tried to stay up to watch the Sox aboslutely demolish the Yankees (I fell asleep when the score was 12-1); keep in mind that watching those games is very difficult here, given that if it's a 7pm start, then it starts at 1am over here. I did watch Schilling's shattering return the other night, though. So sad. Anyway, yeah, so I pretty much wasted the day today, which means my plans to visit downtown Napoli today and climb Mt. Vesuvius (big volcano down the road) tomorrow are going to be cut in half. Although I'm told Vesuvius is better in the fall, since it's a little cooler weather to hike in, and it's not as hazy out so the view is much better from the top.

I hate Fox News. Unfortunately, AFN only has one news channel, and they sort of rotate coverage through CNN, Fox, and occasionally MSNBC. All of them suck, but I'm constantly reminded why I never watch Fox News unless that's all there is. This whole Karl Rove thing is ridiculous; there's a great story there, but they don't focus on the story; all they talk about is the media's coverage of the story. And whether it's "fair" and whether or not he did anything "illegal" (not once does the word "unethical" come up). It's just so frustrating. Finally, a story that could wake the media up from being the administration's tame lapdog, and I bet you five bucks it just won't happen. I could go on and on, but I'm trying not to make this blog too political. But now you know the hardships that the military has to put up with, having to actually watch Fox News from time to time. You know, it's pretty telling that Fox News anchors no longer report their slogan as "fair and balanced," now it's "the most powerful name in news."

And the term "homicide bomber" is about the stupidest damn term I ever heard. What's wrong with calling them a "suicide bomber"? Aren't most bombings done with the intent of committing homicide?

Actually, at first I was sort of annoyed that AFN carries so much Fox News, thinking, hmm...that's a pretty conservative, pro-administration network...is it just coincidence that the military TV network is carrying it? Of course, the other networks aren't much better. But then I notice that AFN also carries "The West Wing," thankfully, so maybe it's not as bad as I thought.

On the bright side, I finally got mail for the first time yesterday since I moved. Turns out there's a mailroom in the building where I work, but nobody in my office knew about it (since they normally distribute mail to the office where you work, but in my case, they had no idea what office I was in, so they just held it). Of course, I was very cheered to find a bill for $1500 in auto and property taxes due before August 1st. You'd think they could give you a little more time to budget that out.

It has been pointed out to me that in the interest of international harmony and cooperation, I might mention that my last post is not intended to slight or degrade the German people in any way. Only their national airline. Besides, as the owner of both a Mercedes-Benz and a BMW (that sounds really good on paper, doesn't it?), I am clearly aware that Germany has far more to contribute to the world than just beer. And let's face it--beer itself is no small contribution.

I've made it safely back to bella Napoli after two days in lovely (not) Norfolk, VA and another long, painful Lufthansa flight. No cute Italian archeology student to keep me company this time. And the free drinks really aren't all they're cracked up to be, especially when you have to choose between staying awake for the free drinks, or sleeping so that you can be somewhat human when the plane lands. Except Lufthansa doesn't really make it conducive to sleeping much longer than 3 or 4 hours. Because they don't turn the cabin lights off until after they serve the meal, which is like 2 or 2-1/2 hours into the flight. And then they turn all the lights on again like 2 hours before the plane lands. Because even though it's 2 a.m. on the East Coast, it's 8 a.m. German time, so we're all going to be good Germans and wake up on time. I think I'm going to boycott Germany in any of my recreational travel around Europe. Really, what do they have going for them besides good beer?

I think today might be the last day I can scam out of going into the office. Tomorrow it looks like I'll have to start earning my paycheck again. That's really too bad.

No wonder people hate Harvard kids.
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~hccg/visitor/about.html
You have got to be kidding me.

Speaking of Harvard kids, I had dinner tonight with a couple college friends who are now doctors. I don't think I'm old enough to have doctor friends. Especially given that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Flew into DC last night from Naples (via Munich). And boy are my arms tired.

The flight from Munich was ridiculous--9+ hours, and the worst trans-Atlantic flight on which I've ever been, in terms of amenities. The meals and stuff were okay, but the TV screens were only over the middle row of seats, which meant you could barely see them from the aisle seats on the outer rows, and the poor girl next to me in the window seat couldn't see them at all. They only showed one movie, plus some other random crap, and that was it. Plus the seats were some of the most painfully uncomfortable in which I've ever flown. So let that be a lesson to you: never, ever use Lufthansa for trans-Atlantic travel (unless they're WAY cheaper); BA and Virgin know how to do it right.

On the bright side, I finally got a flight where I got to sit next to not the really overweight guy with B.O., not the cranky old lady with gout, not the annoying middle-aged businessman who's entirely full of himself and blabs on and on about nothing and won't shut up the whole ride, but rather, I got to sit next to the young, attractive, single, personable Italian woman. And all because I was nice enough to swap seats with some lady who wanted to sit next to her husband. Ah, but of course I can never be that lucky; the aforementioned Italian woman is an archeology student and will be interning in New Mexico for the next 5 months. Darn the luck.

The theme of the past two days has been "get lost." No, that doesn't mean I've been talking to the Italian women, it means I figured this would be a good weekend to find my way around the area. So yesterday I drove around all afternoon making sure I could get to all the various bases (there are three of them in the area) to and from each other and to and from my apartment. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly where my apartment is. I know (sort of) what exits off the highway it's between, and I think I know the main street it's off, and kind of where it is, but driving around yesterday I couldn't quite get there after trying for about an hour. So being a good computer-age kind of guy, I got home yesterday evening and went online and found "via Monterusso" on a map (that's the name of my street) and drove there this morning. Must be a different via Monterusso, though, because while it seems to be in the right area, I just kept going up and up and up a hill until I got to the top where it dead-ended at some guy's front gate. He gave me a funny look as I reversed down the hill trying to find a place to turn around.

Anyway, with two consecutive failures under my belt, I was looking for a way to redeem my afternoon. So I thought, "what better way to revive one's spirits than a nice trip on public transportation?" Plus I wanted to wander around downtown Napoli, which I really haven't gotten to do yet besides the (in retrospect) fairly lame, very underdone and uninformative group tour the first Monday I was here. I parked at the NATO base (which is neither the base where I work nor the base on which I currently live in the hotel; I found it yesterday) which supposedly has a subway stop right outside the gate. So I walked down to the gate and asked the guard, who happened to be Italian (because they're in NATO, see how that works?). Well, you'd think working at a NATO base he'd know a little more English (if we're going to be imperialist capitalist running dogs, we have to work on that a little better), but he didn't. So I was left to my own devices. I thought, "hey, those cables over there look like something to which you'd attach a train and run it on electricity." Wandering over, I saw it was indeed the track for a subway (or whatever you call it when it's above ground; a train, I suppose). So I wandered through random Italian suburb streets until I found the station and got in it going in the direction of downtown Naples. So far so good.

I got off the train (which by that point had metamorphised into a subway) at the main train station downtown. Which also has trains and buses for the rest of Italy and Europe (but probably not much farther than that). I figured that was as good a place as any to start, and then I realized that I had no map of the city and only really a vague recollection of where anything was. Imagine the functional equivalent of never having been to New York city before and being air-dropped in the middle with no map and trying to find your way around. Except New York is a bad example. Because the streets are actually laid out in a grid, with some semblance of good sense and order. Oh yeah, and the streets in New York often have street signs. Oh, and I speak the same language as the people in New York.

Fortunately, I have a very good innate sense of direction, so even if I don't know where I'm going, I'm very good at finding my way back to wherever it was I came from. (Is that a marketable skill? Because I'm very good at it. Driving around yesterday and today I found like 5 different ways to get back to the same blue bridge.) So with that in mind, I set off in a random direction figuring I'd find the downtown main streets and piazzas and touristy stuff eventually. Turns out it was the wrong direction. Naturally. Luckily it only took me like 15 minutes of walking to figure that out. So I turned around and eventually made it to where I wanted to be. More or less. Spent an hour and a half wandering around dodging scooters and cars and what have you. You really take your life into your own hands when you cross the street, even if you have the light. I always waited until some Italian guy was crossing and went with him; I figured if he thought it was safe, I'd be fine as long as I kept up. The stupid little motorscooters are everywhere, including on the sidewalk. You'd see cars stopped at a traffic light, then the scooters would all zip up to the front, between and around the cars, on the sidewalks, everywhere, until there was a pack of like 20 little Vespas waiting for the light to change. And as soon as the light changed, they'd all zip off. It was like watching the most lame-ass motorcycle race ever.

I did get a couple chances to practice my tourist Italian today. Walking back to the train station I was parched, so I wandered into a convenience store and managed to croak out "agua...naturale...per..fevore...". At which point I paid e2 for the nastiest bottled water I've ever tasted. It was probably Naples tap water, but it was cold(-ish) and I was thirsty and didn't care. My other moment of bilingualism came when an Italian guy with his family tried to ask me for directions. I know he was asking me for directions because he said, "Scusi, dov'e il somethingsomething?" Which means, of course, "Excuse me, where is the somethingsomething?" Having read the guidebooks and studied maybe a week's worth of high school Italian, I looked him straight in the eye, shrugged my shoulders, and replied with a textbook-perfect, "non parlo l'Italiano."

I'm about fed up with Armed Forces Network TV programming. For those of you unfamiliar with AFN, they're basically a 10-channel cable network available via satellite to US forces stationed abroad; the hotel I'm staying at on base also has them. While they're willing to put on episodes of "Raven" and "George Lopez" and last night's "Tonight Show" and all the Fox News you could ever possibly want (I usually throw up after about 10 minutes worth), apparently the Live8 concerts are too cutting edge for them to carry on any of their 10 channels. Not like they have any sort of regular programming schedule that they'd be interrupting, either. So for the last several hours, I've been wandering around wearing my MP3 player, which also has an FM stereo, listening to some random-ass Italian station broadcasting (most of) the musical event of the year. Fortunately or not, they're mainly focused on the Philly concert, although I'd rather be hearing the Hyde Park performers. At least I'm not listening to the Rome music, where Faith Hill and Duran Duran are the only two performers of whom I've ever heard. Actually, they're moving around the concerts, and the random Italian bands at the Rome concert aren't so bad. Even if I can't understand a damn thing they're saying. I'll just consider it part of my immersion language-learning program.

Back home in bella Napoli. Got to practice my high school German today during a 4-hr. layover in the Munich airport. And by "practice my high school German" I mean "drink really good beer and have some Wienerschnitzel." Nobody tried to convert me to Islam on the flight home today, but whatever regional airline I was flying home had the narrowest seats I've ever sat in. Part of my weight-loss plan. Fortunately, my car was still there when I got back to the parking garage. With the key still sticking out of the trunk. Only took me like ten minutes to get it out, too.

No other good stories from Norway, sadly. Took up too much time doing actual work. Did get to see a little of the countryside, though, and it's an absolutely gorgeous place. I highly, highly recommend it for a vacation, particularly in the summertime. Beautiful country (and women), very friendly people, and lots of great outdoorsy kinds of stuff to do. A bit expensive, though.