The Norwegians just fed me a lovely dinner including fish and reindeer (mmm...Rudolph....), and the classic combination of champagne, white wine, red wine, and cognac. The restaraunt had a lovely view overlooking all of Oslo and the fjord and surrounding countryside. This is the best job ever.

Off in search of blonde Norwegian women...I mean, off in search of respectable bars with good company...

Norway has got to be the greatest country ever. Excellent public transportation, national healthcare, and the hottest women I have ever laid eyes on. And they're everywhere. All gorgeous, blue-eyed blondes. I got here to Oslo yesterday (for work), and I almost proposed marriage to about 15 different women between the airport and my hotel. It's just unbelievable. Spent a few hours last night in the company of one of the aforementioned gorgeous blue-eyed blondes (unfortunately, the time was not spent in the manner I would have chosen; we just hung out at a bar for a couple hours and chatted, then she collected her nearly-as-hot friend and left).

Yes, I really am that shallow.

The flight up here from Naples was bizarre. Or at least, the first leg, from Naples to Munich, was. I sat next to a guy from Saudi Arabia and he spent most of the flight trying to convert me to Islam. Turns out he's both a lawyer and a professor of religion (or maybe a lecturer on religion, or something, but he teaches at a university somewhere). Anyway, he gave me his take on each of the five major world religions, from oldest to youngest (Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, for those of you keeping score at home), and then explained to me why each of them except the last are all messed up. It was actually a good educational experience; outside of various sects of Christianity I have very little knowledge of other religions. He then went on about how Islam really is a peaceful religion--the most peaceful of the five, according to him--and how these extremists distort it to fit their own ends. It was certainly one of the more interesting airplane discussions I've had. He also went into how, in his mind, Bin-Laden, Saddam, Bush, Blair, and King Fahd are all pretty much the same. Then at the end of the flight he gave me a little booklet he had written about Mohammed (the prophet). Which I thought was very nice of him.

Also yesterday, the key to my car got stuck in the trunk lock when I was trying to lock it. And I couldn't get it out. And I had to get to the airport or else I was going to miss my flight. So I left it there. So if anyone wants to steal an old BMW, it's in the parking garage on base with the key stuck in the trunk lock. All you have to do is get the key out and start the car. Good luck to you.

So imagine my delight when I checked out the baseball standings this morning to find out the Sox are in first place. I'm sure it'll only last until late August or maybe mid-September, but I'll enjoy it for now. Especially since I can't actually see any of the games because even if they are broadcast over here, they're on at like 1 a.m.

Anyway, I'm back from London. Friday was fairly uneventful; did poker night with some guys from the office there. Flew back yesterday and went straight to a cookout that one of the guys in the office was having here in Naples. Unfortunately I haven't driven here at night yet, and I'm still shaky on finding my way around during the day, so I got hopelessly lost trying to find my way back from the base afterwards. Spent like an hour and a half longer than it should have taken, driving around random Italian highways and backroads trying to figure out where the hell I was.

Did a day trip to Rome today with a guided tour that the USO here runs. It's a very nice place; a lot cleaner and more organized than I would have thought. Spent some time at the Colosseum and some other sights, but we didn't really have too long to spend there. I figure I'd use it more as a way to get my feet wet and get an easy introduction to the Eternal City before trying to find my way around there myself. But it looks pretty easy; everything is fairly central, so I think the first long weekend I get I'm going to grab a cheap hotel room and see what there is to see there without having to rush. It did remind me why I hate going on guided tours--inevitably there's something I want to see that the tour doesn't cover, or I want to spend longer in one place that everyone else wants to rush by, or else I actually understand the concept of the arch and don't need the guide to explain it to me for half an hour.

Tomorrow starts the next phase of my Capitals of the World Tour. Yesterday I was in London. Today I was in Rome. Tomorrow I'll be in Oslo (Norway, in case you're stretching the limits of your geographic knowledge). Next week I'll be in DC. Oslo is going to be great. We were in Norway two years ago during the summer during deployment, and it was great. Plus it's full of gorgeous blonde women, especially southern Norway.

Had a nice little trip into the English countryside for work today. It looked exactly like I'd always pictured the English countryside--nice rolling hills, lots of green fields that look like nobody would care if you walked across them, silly English town names like "Little Paxton" and "Heathwedgeboroughwoodshire," a Wal-Mart distribution center.... Speaking of the new Evil Empire, there's an article in this week's Time that paints Wal-Mart as the saviour of China and the mechanism by which the Chinese will all be Westernized and brought up to our fine living standards. That same issue of Time also has a glowing portrayal of Paul Wolfowitz in his new job as head of the World Bank. Liberal media my ass.

Also took a jog around Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens this evening; it was quite lovely. Because I've learned the only two adjectives the Brits apply to any positive experience are "lovely" and "brilliant." And it certainly wasn't a "brilliant" run. I haven't heard "smashing" used here; I think maybe it went out of vogue in the late 90s.

For anyone staying at the Thistle Marble Arch, I highly recommend the English breakfast buffet (which comes free when you get the executive package with your room). I highly dis-recommend (what's the opposite of "recommend"? "oppose"? "vilify"? "discourage you from nearing with a 20-foot pole"?) the dinner buffet, which is not free, and is pretty poor. The appetizers/salads were good, but all the main course crap was dry and had been sitting out under a heat lamp, and it was pretty flavorless (or "flavourless" if you're English). What was I doing having dinner in the hotel restaraunt when I'm at the doorstep of the entire West End? Yeah, I don't know either. I guess I'm just retarded. Now I know better. Although last night I went out with a couple of guys from the office here, and we had dinner at a French restaraunt, which I would have thought would have been pretty good. Nope. It was crap. The desserts were great, but the meals were crap. I had some sort of chicken dish with a little pastry something-or-other...it was so bland. It tasted almost exactly like the chicken pot pie the cooks used to make on the boat. Except I paid $3.20 for dinner on the boat, not $30.

Made it to London today. Learning how to make oregami cranes and construction paper Christmas cards for my new job. Flew British Airways up here, and I have to say, I was a little disappointed in their quality of female flight attendants. They don't hold a candle to Virgin Atlantic. I swear one of them was a guy dressed up in women's clothing. S/he looked like s/he had cut him/herself shaving this morning, had the biggest hands I've ever seen on a flight attendant, and appeared to be wearing the worst wig I've ever seen. S/he was wearing that British Airways scarf-ascot thingy, so I couldn't see if there was an adams apple involved.

London's nice. How can you go wrong in a city with a pub that serves Guiness on every corner?

Today was very productive, as I learned many valuable lessons. These included:
-How to Get Gasoline
-How to Drive a Car with Manual Transmission in Traffic (unfortunately, I did not master the bonus lesson of How to Also Read Directions and Road Maps While Doing This, so I got a little
lost a couple times)
-How to Get from Where I'm Staying in the Hotel to Where I'm Working (On the Highway Only Because the Directions for the Back Way are too Confusing and I Can't Read and Shift at the Same Time Yet--see previous lesson)
-How to Shift Going Up and Down Hills and Exit Ramps
-How to Get and Fill Out a New Claim Form for Temporary Lodging After Losing the Old One That Has Already Been Signed by Everyone and Just Not Turned in Yet, Thus Requiring You to Start the Process Over
-Why I Have no Idea What My Job Is (Answer: I met my new boss today, and he's not really sure what my new job is)

Also, I've discovered that they are making it very difficult for me to do things like get a house or register my car, as I am going to London tomorrow through Saturday, then I'm on travel again next week Monday through Friday, then the following week Tuesday through Thursday (keeping in mind that Monday is a holiday). Doesn't really leave a whole lot of weekdays to get stuff done, does it? And the Paperwork Navy isn't open on weekends. And boy is there a lot of paperwork associated with getting a house and a car here.

On the bright side, I'm picking up on this stick-shift stuff like a champ.

Today I began the self-taught course in how to drive stick shift. Turns out it's not that complicated (in theory), at least once I get it into second. That whole dead-stop-to-first-gear thing was kicking my ass all over the place today, but by the end of my hour-and-a-half practice session, I was only stalling out at like one of every five stop signs. And once you're going, it's no problem at all. Of course, I was practicing on base where it's really flat and there's minimal traffic. I was going to take it out in town, but I had to cut the lesson short because I'm almost out of gas and I don't have the tax-free gas vouchers (so I only have to pay like $2.50 a gallon instead of $5 like the Italians) . So tomorrow I get the vouchers, gas up, and take 'er out against the Italian drivers. And the hills. So if you never hear from me again, that's why.

Had dinner with a couple guys from the office and their wives. The Italians take their food very seriously. First, the wine list was about 30 pages long, and really, it just didn't matter to us so long as it was wine. Then, from what I gather, they have about thirty courses during the meal. Bread, of course. We opted out of the salad, but went with the antipasti, which is sort of like appetizers, but they bring you a dozen different kinds of things, and it's really enough to be a meal. It's actually a lot like having tapas--just small plates with a serving per person, but a whole bunch of them. SO good. And then you get primi, which is basically a light dish (or two in this case) which I guess usually has pasta and maybe fish or poultry. By that point we were all quite full, so we didn't get secondi, which is usually some kind of meat dish. Nor did we get dessert (I forget the word for it) or coffee. The other thing that's going to take some getting used to is the hours for dinner. Nobody eats before 8, and even then, that's kind of early. We showed up at about 8:45, and were some of the first people in the place (which by the time we were done, at quarter past midnight, was packed).

On an unrelated note, I'm going to London on Tuesday through Saturday. (Actually, it's not that unrelated--the reason I'm in such a hurry to learn to drive my car is because I'll have to drive myself to and from the airport.) Having gotten most of the touristy stuff out of the way last year when I was there, I'm open to suggestions on things to do. I'm staying at the Thistle Marble Arch, so if any of the three people reading this know any good restaraunts or pubs in the area, let me know.

So, I have a housing dilemma, and I need some help. It's amazing what my housing allowance over here will buy--I saw like seven or eight places today, all of them (well, most of them) VERY nice, and none of them smaller than three bedrooms. I have it narrowed down to two, both of which I love, but they're very different:

Place #1: First-floor apartment in a three apartment unit, in a semi-rural setting.

PROS: It has a yard, which here is apparently practically impossible to come by, even in semi-rural apartments (granted, the "yard" is more of a garden; a grassy area of about 20x80 ft just off the back porch). Separate outside entrance. Landlord and wife live next door, and their mother lives in the other unit, so it should be good security if I'm off on travel (the same gate goes to the security fence for the whole building). Rooftop terrace with GORGEOUS view of the Mediterranean and surrounding area; will be populated with patio furniture, etc. Landlord and wife, while not speaking any English, are very friendly and have a boat that they take to Sardinia frequently during the summer (Sardinia being an island off the coast of Italy, a little further north; apparently it's very similar to being in the Caribbean--white sand, clear water, that sort of thing). They have invited me to go along should I move into the apartment. Very new place; lots of marble. Oh, and out back on the other side of the garden, there actually is a vineyard.

CONS: Covered parking, but only a carport, no garage. Small kitchen. No A/C. Have to drive a ways to get to any downtown-type things to do (bars, restaraunts, stores, etc.). E50 above my allowance.

Place #2: Second-floor apartment in a two-apartment unit, close to the middle of downtown in a little seaside town that reminds me of sort of an Italian version of maybe Vineyard Haven or Hyannis or something (but with more apartments, and closer together; really maybe more like Westerly).

PROS: Location--right downtown, within walking distance of pizza, bars, restaraunts. Very modern apartment--recessed lights in the ceiling, electrically-operated blinds, that sort of thing. Also very new and lots of marble. A really gorgeous place inside, actually. Balcony with very nice sea views, although not quite as spectacular as the rooftop terrace at the other place. A/C. Huge kitchen. Garage.

CONS: Not as secure a place as the other--I have my own separate entrance and security fence, which looks not too hard to get through. Landlord not on premisis, but his cousin lives downstairs. Being in a resort town will mean lots of traffic in and out. Significantly longer commute to work and anywhere else. E150 above my allowance.

So you see my problem. Two great places, but great in different ways.

Any advice?

The other dilemma is that I picked up my car today. Guess who has no idea how to drive a standard? I drove it about 1/4 mile, just to move it from off base to on base, and I stalled twice. At least the speed limit on base is low enough that I never have to leave 1st gear...but I'm screwed when I try to drive against the Italians off base. Oh well. I'm renting a car this weekend so I can practice, and that way I burn up their clutch instead of mine. Suckers.

Yeah, so I had the most random afternoon yesterday. I went car shopping. When's the last time you had a car salesman take you to a two-hour-plus lunch? And show you real estate? And take you to run errands?

I called this car salesman here because, well, I need a car and one of my friends here highly recommended him. "Gino" was his name-o. So he picks me up at the base in this little Alfa Romeo hatchback and drives me to his dealership a couple towns over. On the way, he asks me if I have a place to live yet, and when I tell him no, he asks if I'd like to see a place that a friend of his is renting out once I've settled on a car. Having nothing else to do this afternoon, I tell him okay. Then he says, "this car is really dirty; I'm going to drop it off at the car wash and pick up another one there to take back to the dealership." So we go to the car wash and trade the Alfa Romeo (which he's been trying to sell me on the whole time) for some random-ass European sedan that kind of reminded me of a Chrysler Sebring (and which he also tries to sell me on). We get to the car dealership, and it actually wasn't to difficult to pick out a car and get a fair price for it. Probably could have got him to come down another hundred or so, but no biggie. So by now it's about 2:00--time to close up for lunch, along with the rest of Italy. He asks if I want to grab a pizza with him; I'm hungry and have nothing else to do, so I say okay. At the same time, I'm looking at a brochure on his desk for the BMW Z4 and I make an offhand comment about how I'd really like to have one. Instantly, I'm like his best friend. Naturally, he owns a Z4, so we MUST go back to his apartment and get it and take it to lunch. So of course we do. Sweet little car, too. And of course, like the rest of the Neapolitans, he drives like a maniac, but more so since he's got the little sportscar. Passing on the left...passing on the right...doing 160 kph in a 40 kph zone...sort of like Boston, only 3 times the speed and one or two more extra lanes than even the Bostonians manage to create. Anyway, he decides that I need to see a townhouse that a "friend" of his owns, so we swing by in the convertible to see that. Really nice place; really friendly landlord, although he doesn't speak a lick of English. An old Italian guy who looks like he came straight off the set of the Sopranos. So I poke around there politely, and then we're careening along the highway in the Z4 again, in search of pizza. Instead, though, Gino decides I need to experience some nice southern Italian seafood. So we sit down in a little harbor town at an outdoor table where we're served with at least 12 different dishes, including shrimp (with the heads still on), salmon, octopus (big), octopus (small), shrimp (with mozzarella), clams, mussels, squid (with eggplant), some kind of shellfish I've never seen before but apparently comes in a long cylindrical spiny shell, oysters (HUGE), and I'm sure a couple of others that I'm missing. Meanwhile, we're sitting next to this group of like 20 schoolteachers, all 40-ish (like Gino), also out for lunch. And he's convinced that this one woman wants him, because she "keeps looking at me that way...you know, under her eyelids like they do?" Even though she's married, he's adamant that she wants him and that he needs to find some way to slip her his phone number, because, "she will be great in bed...I can just tell these things." Yes, this is my car salesman, whom I met not two hours previous. So we sit at lunch for almost 2-1/2 hours just enjoying the nice day, and when we finally leave Gino gives his number to his friend the waiter to hand to the pretty married school teacher. Back in the convertible, facing almost certain death again, he decides we'll now go see the first house he told me about that's available for rent. So we do, and it's gorgeous--3br, 2 bath, it's own yard with a giant fence around it, huge garage, marble stairs, porch, and balcony (yes, marble stairs, porch, and balcony; it's beautiful), and well within my allowance. He gets a check in his box from that landlord for bringing an American by to check out the place, and then we go run errands--drop off the Z4 at some kid's house to ferry a Mercedes to the dealership, then get a ride to the car wash to pick up the Alfa Romeo, which we then take to a mechanic to get the A/C recharged; mechanic drops us back at the Z4, and Gino finally brings me back to base. So a 5-1/2 hour car-buying trip, of which only about 20 minutes involved finding and discussing a car. There was a period there where I was pretty sure he had kidnapped me and was just carrying me around until he found a convenient time to harvest my kidneys or something. It was easily one of the most bizarre experiences I've had in awhile. But fun.

And on the bright side, I've got a hell of a farmer's tan from sitting in that convertible all day.

I know this isn't the most "professional" blog on the internet, and I don't really plan on doing much with the design. It's simply a convenient way for me to chronicle my adventures over the next two years while living in Naples, Italy, and letting interested people see them. Once I shake off this dial-up crap (i.e., move into an actual house with high-speed internet), I'm going to throw in some pictures and such, too.

Starting point: I'm in the Navy, recently assigned to basically a desk job in Naples, Italy. I'm staying in a hotel on base while I look for a place to live out in town. My car has been left behind in Connecticut, from whence I have just moved, and it is for sale. As is my condo.