Just got back from my lovely, relaxing, scalding hot weekend in Rome. (No, like literally sweat-dripping scalding hot, not like steamy Italian passion hot. Maybe next time.) I'll tell you all about it tomorrow when I have time to do the write-up. But for now I'm sure you'll love this:
My train rolls into Naples from Rome at 9 p.m. tonight. Being the suave world traveller I am, I grab my backpack, jump off the train, grab a subway ticket, and head down to the platform. As I'm waiting for the subway, I stick one hand in my pocket to show the world that, yes, I'm cool. I'm nonchalant. I'm generally bad-ass. And then I think to myself, hmm...this pocket is awfully empty. Wasn't there something in it when I got on the train? And then I realize that I had taken my Dell PDA out and that I must have left it on the seat. So I go sprinting up the stairs from the subway platform, race out to the track where the train is finishing boarding for the next station. I yell to the conductor to hold on a minute, and as I jump on the carriage, I hear the whistle blow for the "all aboard signal."
You may see where I'm going with this, and you're probably thinking, no, this doesn't really happen to people in real life. But yes, it was like something out of a Seinfeld episode. I get to the seat where I had been riding, grab my PDA, and just exactly as I turn around in triumph to go back out the door...all the doors shut. And won't open. No matter how many times I push the little button. And no matter in how many different varieties and in how many languages I use the word "sh*t." And then the train starts to move. And I'm leaving Naples on a train that I have no idea where it's going. So I go tearing through the cars trying to find a door that will open. None will. And I come upon a conductor who has no idea at all what I'm trying to tell him, as I'm frenetically explaining in English what happened, while throwing in the 3 or 4 useful Italian words that apply. Unfortunately, "I'm an idiot and left my PDA on the train and got trapped in here when the doors shut," has not yet made it into my Italian vocabulary. But I get the point across, and he tells me where the train will stop and that I can get back to Naples tonight.
So I take my seat and get off in Salerno, which is about a half-hour away. Not so bad. So I end up getting off in Salerno and taking the local train back to Naples. Unfortunately that train makes all the in-between stops, too, as opposed to the EuroStar I had been on from Rome, which only stops in the major cities (non-stop Napoli-Roma in an hour and 45 minutes). The local train was also packed in like a cattle car, unlike the posh first-class accomodations I had on the EuroStar. On the other hand, the conductor hooked me up and got me a free ride back to Naples, so the only real penalty for my stupidity was two hours of my time. And hey, now I know how to get to Salerno.
My train rolls into Naples from Rome at 9 p.m. tonight. Being the suave world traveller I am, I grab my backpack, jump off the train, grab a subway ticket, and head down to the platform. As I'm waiting for the subway, I stick one hand in my pocket to show the world that, yes, I'm cool. I'm nonchalant. I'm generally bad-ass. And then I think to myself, hmm...this pocket is awfully empty. Wasn't there something in it when I got on the train? And then I realize that I had taken my Dell PDA out and that I must have left it on the seat. So I go sprinting up the stairs from the subway platform, race out to the track where the train is finishing boarding for the next station. I yell to the conductor to hold on a minute, and as I jump on the carriage, I hear the whistle blow for the "all aboard signal."
You may see where I'm going with this, and you're probably thinking, no, this doesn't really happen to people in real life. But yes, it was like something out of a Seinfeld episode. I get to the seat where I had been riding, grab my PDA, and just exactly as I turn around in triumph to go back out the door...all the doors shut. And won't open. No matter how many times I push the little button. And no matter in how many different varieties and in how many languages I use the word "sh*t." And then the train starts to move. And I'm leaving Naples on a train that I have no idea where it's going. So I go tearing through the cars trying to find a door that will open. None will. And I come upon a conductor who has no idea at all what I'm trying to tell him, as I'm frenetically explaining in English what happened, while throwing in the 3 or 4 useful Italian words that apply. Unfortunately, "I'm an idiot and left my PDA on the train and got trapped in here when the doors shut," has not yet made it into my Italian vocabulary. But I get the point across, and he tells me where the train will stop and that I can get back to Naples tonight.
So I take my seat and get off in Salerno, which is about a half-hour away. Not so bad. So I end up getting off in Salerno and taking the local train back to Naples. Unfortunately that train makes all the in-between stops, too, as opposed to the EuroStar I had been on from Rome, which only stops in the major cities (non-stop Napoli-Roma in an hour and 45 minutes). The local train was also packed in like a cattle car, unlike the posh first-class accomodations I had on the EuroStar. On the other hand, the conductor hooked me up and got me a free ride back to Naples, so the only real penalty for my stupidity was two hours of my time. And hey, now I know how to get to Salerno.
posted by Chris at 12:51 AM
2 Comments:
Chris, if you really want to launch yourself into the ranks of blogger stardom. . .
. . .when you use the phrase "scalding hot", you should tell a story involving your hot grape-stomping Italian models instead of your own sweat-logged self.
Just a tip to help you get a book-and-movie deal.
The problem is that I haven't moved into my apartment yet. The vineyard is behind my apartment. Once I move in, I can get the models and have them start stomping grapes. And then include them in my "scalding hot" stories.
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